How Not To Cook Pop Tarts
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Lady Palutena and Lucina both get hungry. After hearing their stomachs rumble, they decide to take the easy action and get some sweet, cinnamon flavored pop tarts. At first glance, this doesn't seem to be bad, but they both want their pop tarts warmed up. And that's where things get a bit too hot for them to handle... can they burn their problem with ease, or will the fire rise?
1. Chapter 1

**How Not To Cook Pop Tarts  
**

**By Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

Lady Palutena's stomach growled loudly as she rubbed her rumbling belly with her right hand, being in the girls' lounge with Lucina as she sighed, both of them sitting on the yellow couch.

"Man, am I hungry." Palutena stated the obvious as she turned to Lucina.

Lucina's stomach grumbled as well as she sighed, placing both of her hands on her belly. "So am I. What should we make?"

"...Something easy that requires no effort." Palutena suggested as she raised her right hand, smiling as she opened her eyes. "Like pop tarts!"

"_Oh boy!_" Lucina squealed in an innocent, high pitched tone as she clapped her hands several time, leaving the lounge with Palutena as both of the female Smashers skipped down the hallway, going down the stairs and heading into the Smash Mansion's cafeteria as they went to grab some boxes of cinnamon pop tarts, with Palutena using one of her customization moves as they instantly returned to the girls lounge, with Palutena taking out two pop tarts and putting them in the toaster, folding her hands together as she and Lucina watched.

The toaster then shook violently, and then exploded, with it turning into ashes, alongside the pop tarts. Palutena and Lucina blinked as they turned to each other, wondering what just happened.

"It burnt." Lucina remarked as she wiped some of the ashes off, tasting it with her finger as she glanced at Palutena. "This doesn't taste like cinnamon at all."

"...Darn." Palutena remarked as she folded her arms together in disappointment. "Well, looks like we'll have to do it the old fashion way."

Later, Palutena and Lucina both had another pair of pop tarts, this time using the microwave as they had it set on extremely high. Both of the girls shook their arms as they watched the pop tarts spin, only for several sparks to pop out of the microwave as it exploded, belching out smoke onto the girl Smashers as the pop tarts were once again reduced into ashes. Looking at the ashes, Palutena and Lucina faced each other as they blinked.

"So that didn't work." Lucina remarked as she moved her long blue hair back.

Palutena nodded as she wrapped her arms around the back of her head. "What a shame."

After hearing both of their stomachs grumble for several seconds, the two girls raised their arms slowly as they had another pair of pop tarts in their hands, the two girls staring right at each other.

"We have to warm these bad boys up." Palutena stated as she stared directly at Lucina, who nodded in agreement.

The female version of Robin poked her head into the lounge as she shook her head, facing Palutena and Lucina with her hands on her hips. "Wouldn't it be better for you to just eat it right away?"

"No! It tastes so much better when it's warm! And soft!" Lucina snapped as she glanced around the lounge, murmuring. "...And fluffy. _Very fluffy._"

Female Robin simply shrugged as she went to go find the other girls, while Palutena and Lucina went to the western end of the lounge, several crashes being heard as the girls were desperate to warm up their cinnamon flavored pop tarts. R.O.B. watched as the girls ran past him, causing the gray colored Robotic Operating Buddy to shake his robotic head.

"Hmmm... what has gotten into them?" ROB muttered to himself in a robotic tone as he headed to the girls lounge to check for damage, being allowed in there due to being a robot, on the account that he could change his gender with ease.


	2. Chapter 2

Lady Palutena and Lucina were still trying to make cinnamon flavored pop tarts, with both of them using the stove in Jigglypuff's bedroom to cook up their pop tarts in a frying pan as they had their hands on their laps, glancing at each other.

"Do you think Jigglypuff will be mad that we're in her room?" Lucina asked as she blinked a couple of times.

Palutena shrugged as she placed her hands back on her lap. "Nah. She's Jigglypuff. She's always seems to be puffy with anything."

"True, true." Lucina remarked as she turned her attention back to the stove. "I hope the pop tarts will come out as jiggly as her. I mean, tasty."

It was then that the stove exploded, both of the girls covered in ahses and pop tart goop as Jigglypuff came in, gasping in horror as she placed her short puffy arms on her face.

"MY STOVE!" Jigglypuff exclaimed as she then proceeded to give the girls a pounding.

* * *

Later on, Palutena and Lucina were stumbling down the hallway with bandages all over their bodies, Sonic The Hedgehog zipping by as he paused in his tracks and pointed at the girls, laughing his head off.

"Hey hey! Are you two preparing for Sonic Boom, too?" Sonic joked as he couldn't stop himself from laughing.

Palutena and Lucina groaned as they looked at each other, shaking their heads in disappointment as they headed back to the girls' lounge.

"So you want me to use PK Fire on the pop tarts?" Ness asked as he had a confused look on his face, his hands on his hips.

Hearing their stomachs rumble in unison, Palutena and Lucina nodded as they faced Ness.

Ness shrugged as he closed his eyes. "If you insist." He then took a few steps back, firing his PK Fire at the girls, aiming at their pop tarts. "_PK Fire!_"

The PK Fire burned the pop tarts, but it also burnt the girls as it caused them to scream, running around the room in fire as Ness gawked, his hands on his head as all of his stuff caught on fire, getting pushed out of the window by Lucina running by, with the Fire Department having been summoned to put out the flames, lead by Squirtle and Greninja, who used their water attacks simultaneously to hold back the fire.

Palutena and Lucina both headed to the hospital shortly afterwards. They groaned in pain from the injuries, but still felt hungry as their stomachs kept growling for food.


	3. Chapter 3

R.O.B. was going through the Smash Mansion as part of his usual check up on the Smashers, stopping by the room hosting the various Assist Trophies and Pokeball Pokemon as he entered.

"Excuse me, but have any of you seen these two female Smashers?" ROB asked as he then lifted up a picture of Lady Palutena and Lucina.

The assortment of Assist Trophies and Pokeball Pokemon glanced at each other and shook their heads at R.O.B.

ROB sighed, lowering his head and closing his eyes. "Just was I feared. Thank you." He then exited, continuing on for his search of the girls. And speaking of which...

* * *

...Ever so determined to get their pop tarts warmed up, Lady Palutena and Lucina continued trekking through the mansion, somehow managing to avoid contact with ROB as they were asking several of the Smashers to help warm up their pop tarts. Palutena gasped as she stopped in her tracks, both her and Lucina being in the hallway.

"Lucina! I realized something!" Palutena exclaimed as she raised her arms in the air. "We have butts, right? Why don't we just-"

"No, Palutena. Pop tarts are for eating." Lucina remarked as she rubbed her rumbling stomach. "And at the rate we're going at, I don't think we'll be able to even do it."

Palutena sighed as she wrapped her right arm around Lucina, rolling her left hand about. "You have to look at the bright side, Lucina. Or else you'll never be happy with your life."

"...I guess that's a good point." Lucina admitted as she raised her pair of cinnamon flavored pop tart. "Anyway, let's get these warmed up. We're wasting so much time-"

Palutena and Lucina got flattened over by the GUN Truck as it was chasing Silver The Hedgehog, who screamed as he ran as fast as he could.

"Agh! Leave me alone!" Silver exclaimed as he pushed the various Smashers, Assist Trophies, and Pokemon to the side, with the truck heading down the stairs and wreaking the walls.

Palutena and Lucina popped up back to normal, shaking their heads as they looked at each other, then at the squashed pop tarts, then at each other as their lips trembled, the two girls crying as they hugged each other in response.

* * *

Later on, after finding another new pair of pop tarts, Palutena and Lucina were both in the red fiery Norfair as they were waiting for the magma to rise, both of them holding their pop tarts over the air as they watched the lava submerge, the entire stage catching on fire as Palutena and Lucina were blasted into the air, both of them coming back down on the upper right platform as they were burning, their pop tarts having burnt off as they raised their heads, glancing at each other as they squinted their eyes.

"Our pop tarts... burnt again..." Palutena remarked as she shook her head.

Lucina coughed some smog out of her mouth as she groaned. "Oh poo. At this rate we'll die of starvation." She then slammed her head on the platform several times, with Palutena patting her on the back, having sympathy as she was on the urge of banging her head as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Lady Palutena and Lucina were now in Brinstar as they were willing to warm their cinnamon pop tarts using the yellow lava as opposed to Norfair's red magma, the two girls on the west platform as they were holding on due to the entire stage shaking.

"Do you think we'll get our pop tarts warmed up this time?" Palutena asked as she turned her head to Lucina.

Lucina was about to speak when the lava submerged, completely burning both girls as they went blasting off again from the intense heat, disappearing in the background as the pop tarts burnt completely.

* * *

"Well that sucked." Lucina admitted as she had her arms wrapped around her grumbling stomach, sighing as she closed her eyes, with both her and Palutena in the girls' lounge again. "We should just give up and eat the pop tarts without warming them up."

"Don't give up hope!" Palutena exclaimed as she pulled out a microwave from underneath her white dress. "We have technology!"

Several seconds passed as Palutena then smashed the microwave on the pop tarts that were resting on the counter, breaking them into pieces. Palutena and Lucina looked down at the broken pop tart pieces as they turned to each other.

"It didn't work." Lucina remarked as she lowered her eyes.

Palutena scoffed as she chucked the microwave to the side, accidentally hitting Zero Suit Samus. "Please! We don't need science! My goddess powers will make these pop tarts warm!"

It was then that Palutena summoned two warmed up pop tarts onto the counter, with both her and Lucina taking them and biting into it as their eyes widened, causing them to spit out the pop tarts as they gawked.

"_Ewww!_ Yuck!" Lucina spat out as she had her eyes closed. "That wasn't cinnamon at all!"

"I think it was the other brown substance. Like chocolate..." Palutena trailed as she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly.

Lucina glared at Palutena as she pointed at her, poking the green haired goddess in the chest. "That wasn't chocolate at all, you piece of s-"

"Hit it!" Nana exclaimed as she was cheering on the female Villager, who was whacking the small tree with her axe. "Hit it with all her might!"

Looking at each other, Palutena and Lucina sighed as they headed back to the kitchen, to get some more cinnamon flavored pop tarts to warm up as the mansion started to begin warming up from the heat of the sun outside.


	5. Chapter 5

Lady Palutena and Lucina sighed as they both returned to the Smash Mansion, noticing a new facade was added to the mansion as the two girls glanced at each other. They entered the facade, to be greeted by Falco Lombardi, who waved at them.

"Hey, ladies. Welcome to my tavern." Falco stated as he poured some green colored milk in a fine cup of glass. "Want a drink?"

"...I would have not guessed that you would own a bar." Lucina admitted as she held her hands together.

Falco chuckled as he wagged his right, feathery index finger. "My friend, life is full of surprises. It's like a big loaf of bread. And you better keep your hands off it." He chuckled as he poured some wine in another glass.

Palutena smirked as she folded her arms together, placing it on the brown counter. "So, what inflenced you to make a tavern inside the mansion?"

"...Well, I used to run a tavern in some place called Nintendo City." Falco remarked as he drank his wine, placing it down. "Of course, we all had this huge brawl one last time before we let you newcomers in, and it... well..." He chuckled sheepishly as he shrugged. "We got carried away. Course, it didn't help that Crazy Hand set two cinnamon flavored pop tarts on fire and then had them explode into rainbows."

Palutena and Lucina both had their eyes widened as they glanced at each other, then turning to Falco. "Did you say... cinnamon flavored pop tarts?"

Falco munched on a nearby loaf of bread as he sipped his wine. "...Yes. Indeed they were Cinnamon. And they were cinnamon flavored."

Palutena and Lucina rushed out of Falco's Tavern as they grabbed another package of cinnamon flavored pop tarts and searched for the nearest oven, spotting Popo bringing an oven into the mansion as Palutena and Lucina placed the pop tarts into the oven, causing it to explode as all three of them were covered in smoke, causing Palutena and Lucina to faint as Popo blinked, being genuinely confused as he glanced down at the fainted female Smashers. 


	6. Chapter 6

Lady Palutena and Lucina continued onward with their lust for warming up pop tarts, searching in the dark caverns of the Brinstar Depths, trying not to fall off the huge smoldering rock that served as the platform, as the gigantic, green colored, reptilian Kraid emerged out of the red sea of magma, roaring as he slashed at the rock and caused it to rotate further, with Lucina screaming as she held onto Palutena.

"T-this was a bad idea!" Lucina screamed as she began trembling with fright.

Palutena chuckled as she simply patted Lucina on the head. "Don't fret, Lucy, we're warming up our pop tarts just fine." She then revealed a pair of cinnamon flavored pop tarts, both of them starting to sizzle. "See?"

However, the volcanic stage was doing its job of warming up the pop tarts too well, as they exploded into flames. Palutena screamed as she dropped the pop tarts on the ground, which then turned into ashes as Kraid popped out again, slashing at the rock and causing both of the female Smashers to fall into the magma below.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, R.O.B. was searching across the entire mansion for Palutena and Lucina, sighing as she was at the mansion's outdoor garden, which was in the middle of the mansion as he was under the only cherry populated tree by the western corner. R.O.B. had switched her gender to female in order to get into the girls' lounge without any problems arising, in spite of the fact that she was a robot.

"Wherever those two girls are, I hope they're not making any trouble." R.O.B. stated in a more feminine tone of voice as she began looking up electronic scanners, in hopes that she would be able to track Palutena and Lucina easier.


	7. Chapter 7

Lady Palutena and Lucina were still on the hunt for making the warmest cinnamon flavored pop tarts, going all around the Smash Mansion as they kept on trying their best to heat up their pastry treats. Barbara The Bat watched as she shook her head, cleaning up her purple guitar.

"Those two just don't quit, do they?" Barbara remarked as she turned around, to see Shulk naked and in his boxer shorts. "Uhhh..."

"What?" Shulk remarked as he had his arms wrapped around the back of his head. "I like feeling a cool breeze."

Barbara blinked as she squinted her eyes, just shaking her head as Palutena and Lucina ran by, knocking Barbara down and taking a glance at Shulk, with Lucina taking a snapshot of the naked Shulk as they ran off.

* * *

Later, the two girl Smashers were in Bowser Junior's room as they grabbed Bowser's son and shook him violently, with Bowser Jr. groaning as he was inside his Koopa Klown Kar.

"Whoa! Hey! Stop it!" Bowser Jr. exclaimed as he then pulled out his Gadd Paintbrush and smacked Palutena and Lucina in the face with it, panting as he was trying to catch his breath. "What the hell do you even want with me?"

Looking at each other, Palutena and Lucina shoved the packets containing the cinnamon pop tarts in the young reptile's face. "Warm up our pop tarts!"

"...really? You can't warm it up on your own?" Bowser Jr. scoffed as he rolled his eyes, shrugging. "Fine, whatever. Let me just..."

Palutena pushed Bowser Jr. off his Koopa Klown Kar, with the goddess using the vehicle as an oven as she placed all of the pop tarts on it. This proved to be a bad idea as the entire machine exploded, causing the entire room to be covered in smoke as the Smashers were reduced into piles of ashes.


	8. Chapter 8

Lady Palutena and Lucina were still feeling desperate to have their warmed up cinnamon pop tarts as they were racing across the Smash Mansion, spinning several of the Pikmin that were trying to make a city of cans in the hallway as they reached Olimar's room, looking all over the place inside.

"Come on! There's got to be something hot in here!" Palutena remarked as she chucked Olimar's various clothes all over the place.

"You don't have to make it sound so lewd, Pal," Lucina responded as she pulled out a photograph of Olimar in his underwear only alongside Alph in his underwear only, blushing as she began panting nervously. "D-dear gracious!"

"You two haven't found anything to heat up your pop tarts yet?" R.O.B. asked as she leaned his mechanical head into the room, shocking Lucina as she screamed, dropping the photograph.

"It's f-fine!" Lucina stuttered as she was blushing like mad, twirling her fingertips together. "It's n-not like I s-seen anything naughty..."

"Ooh! Sounds saucy!" Palutena remarked as she licked her lips, rubbing her stomach with her left hand. "Mmmm... saucy..."

Olimar walked into his room, gawking as he saw Palutena and Lucina, as well as noticing the photograph of him in his underwear down on the floor, causing him to panic.

"Get out! Out of my room!" Olimar exclaimed as he chucked several red Pikmin at the girls, causing them to run out in pain as they screamed from the intense burns they received.

"Owie ouchie ow ouch!" Lucina exclaimed in pain as she began rolling on the floor, managing to get the burns off as she panted, glancing up at Palutena. "...Did the cinnamon pop tarts managed to be warmed up?"

Palutena took the pop tarts out of her breasts, gasping in joy at first as she felt them incredibly hot. She then screamed after realizing how hot they were, with them falling on the ground as they instantly turned into ash. Having witnessed this, palutena and Lucina both cried as they hugged each other and attempted to comfort each other, with R.O.B. shaking his head at the scene that just occurred before him. 


	9. Chapter 9

"This mansion sometimes, I swear..." R.O.B. stated as he was heading down the hallway, spotting several Pikmin marching down like a marching band as he just shook his head. "I don't know whether these guys and gals are legitimately insane, or Dr. Mario accidentally put something in their drinks again."

R.O.B. then got into the elevator, noticing that Ganondorf Dragmire and Lucario were both in it as it began heading down.

"You know what, dude?" Ganondorf stated as he moved his right arm around. "I haven't had a job recently. I should try and get back on it."

"Ganon, why would you want to get a job?" Lucario commented as he rubbed the back of his head, blinking. "I thought you were running that doughnut shop with Jigglypuff."

"I was, but we're renovating it to make it bigger. That Morton Koopa Jr. and his construction crew takes a while to get things going. So in the mean time, I need something temporary." Ganondorf responded as he glanced down at R.O.B. "Say, robot, what kind of job would suit me well?"

"...Perhaps a job as a security guard?" R.O.B. stated as he lifted his grayish metal arms, with Ganondorf's eyes lighting up as Lucario facepalmed, shaking his head in disbelief.

* * *

Back to our hungry heroines, Lady Palutena and Lucina were still on the search for their cinnamon flavored pop tarts to be warmed up, going from room to room as they were trying to look for something to heat their pop tarts up.

"Augh, _it's no use!_" Lucina pouted while shaking her arms, getting a glance from Silver The Hedgehog, who was tasked as a pizza delivery boy again. "No matter how much we try, we just can't seem to get our pop tarts warmed up!"

"I wouldn't be so moody if I were you," Palutena smirked as she pulled out a smart bomb, placing it on the floor, as well as placing her pop tarts near it. With one kick of this smart bomb, our pop tarts should be nice and toasty!"

And thus, the green haired goddess kicked the smart bomb. But unluckily for her and Lucina, the smart bomb caused a huge fiery explosion, causing the entire hallway to shake violently as the part of the hallway from where they were was covered in ash, with both girls gray as the pop tarts once again were reduced into ash. Feeling both of their stomachs grumble, Lucina and Palutena groaned as they buried their own faces in their hands, wondering when they would ever be allowed to have their warmed up, yummy cinnamon pop tarts.


	10. Chapter 10

Lady Palutena and Lucina were both kissing each other in the girls bathroom as Zero Suit Samus stopped, glancing at them to see the bathroom stall was open, noticing that they were standing over the toilet.

"Uhh... may I ask why you two are kissing each other?" Zamus asked as she placed her right hand on her hip, pointing at the two kissing girls with her left hand.

Palutena turned to Zamus as she snapped her fingers. "Because we need ideas on how to warm up our pop tarts."

"...So you're trying to feel up each other." Zamus remarked, narrowing her eyes as she sighed, placing her left hand on her forehead. "Ugh, whatever makes you feel better..." She then left the bathroom.

Lucina murmured as she glanced at the bathroom floor, then looking up at Palutena. "You know, I don't think we warmed up the pop tarts at all... they still feel cool."

"Really now?" Palutena remarked as she pulled out the cinnamon topped pop tarts, frowning as she noticed that they didn't get warmer. "D'oh, you're right. We're gonna have to try harder."

Lucina nodded, about to say something when a red and white colored robot came in. It was the Robotic Operation Buddy, but a different model that was more... feminine than the gray colored R.O.B., as this was the Famicom version.

"Are you two going to use this restroom anymore?" The R.O.B. stated in a feminine tone as she faced the two humanoid girl Smashers. "Because this needs to be cleaned up. For all the new guests coming in."

Looking at each other, Palutena chucked the pop tarts at the feminine R.O.B. Not impressed, the female robot blasted both Palutena and Lucina with a powered up laser, cleaning up the ash remains of the two Smashers as she ejected them out of the bathroom through the vent, with Palutena and Lucina unable to get out of their current situation.


	11. Chapter 11

Lady Palutena and Lucina both groaned as they felt their stomachs rumbling, with the two having not had any luck of warming up their pop tarts, heading down the hallway as they had yet to enjoy warmed up pop tarts.

"Ugh... we still haven't found a way to warm up our pop tarts..." Lucina sniffled as she was on the verge of crying. "Maybe we should give up..."

"No!" Palutena exclaimed as she slapped Lucina across the face, shaking her head as she placed her hands on Lucina's shoulders, facing her. "We are gonna warm up our pop tarts, even if it's the last thing we do!"

"...Well... can I at least get some comfort?" Lucina admitted as she held her hands together, blushing. "I still feel blue..."

Palutena smiled as she lowered her eyes. "Oh, just me Lucy, the comforting I give will be more than enough to warm up our pop tarts..." She then kissed Lucina on the lips, wrapping her arms around the female blue haired swordsman.

Lucina's eyes widened from shock as she felt the cinnamon flavored pop tarts falling out of her pouch, hugging and kissing Palutena right back as she was enjoying every moment of this, with R.O.B. going past them, shaking his metal head.

"Will these two ever get some decency to do stuff like this in private...?" R.O.B. asked himself as he kept heading down the hallway towards the northern direction, leaving the two human females to enjoy themselves and temporarily forget all about their pop tart problem.


	12. Chapter 12

Palutena and Lucina sighed as they heard both of their stomachs grumble, with them sitting on a green couch in one of the mansion's many lounge rooms as they watched various Pikmin walking throughout the place, with a yellow colored R.O.B. approaching them.

"Why are you two so down in the dumps?" The yellow R.O.B. asked.

Lucina lifted a package of cinnamon pop tarts. "Because we couldn't find a way to heat up these pop tarts."

"Yeah, and it's been taking us forever to find a way to warm them up without ruining them." Palutena added as she folded her arms.

R.O.B. shook his yellow metal head as he felt sorry for the two. "That's a shame. You should just use a toaster." He then left.

Palutena and Lucina eyed each other at the prospect of the Robotic Operating Buddy to tell them to simply use a toaster, but that was a reasonable answer... they needed to get down and rowdy for no good reason.


End file.
